The Best Of Intentions

As a rule, I am a huge fan of Top Ten Lists that actually serve nothing but the best of intentions. Like The Morning News’ Andrew Womack’s annual cataloguing of The Top Ten Albums, which have, upon the conclusion of more recent years, actually made me stop to think, “Where the hell was I when these were released?!” (His 2007 List is no different; I would hurry over there now, if I were you, to sample them while you are still able.) Or, like one of my favorite bloggers of all-time, Automatic Win, whose weekly Sunday Top Tens never cease to amaze me with their candor, their humor, their brutal honesty, and their ability to insert new words into my daily vernacular.

I once attempted a “Top List,” earlier this year, until I realized that the concept that I chose for mine would result in little more than the top slot, every week, being given to readers who reached my blog via Google searches with some variation of “Small Dicks And Sideways Vaginas.” And, really, that entry does not require more fame than it already enjoys, every day, as my “most popular” piece. (See. This is my penance for pimping. I am likely to receive similar penance for the pimping in this piece. Oh, well.)

So, I have decided to return to the concept of “The Top Ten List,” once again, for something that I, quite fittingly, have never done in the past: my top ten resolutions for the new year. I have rarely done this in the past on any deeper than the shallowest of levels because I always fail, and who wants to begin a quest when one is confident that the quest will fail? However, I am confident this year that I have constructed The List in such a way that, while the major elements may seem insurmountable and time-consuming, they are actually quite easy. And, just perhaps, may effect some smaller, more needful changes along the way, as I accomplish them, and as they become, not resolutions, but habits.

Because This List is about nothing but The Best Of Intentions.

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I. Adopt Healthier Habits
This year I am avoiding the shallow resolutions of years past (e.g., “Stop smoking entirely, right now!” and “Stop drinking entirely, right now!”), since they have never worked, and simply replacing them with “Adopt Healthier Habits.” Since I already (well, for the most part, ignoring a few indiscretions) re-converted to a vegetarian (not vegan) diet back in October, I am already half-way on my way to eating healthier (and more frequently), and intend to supplement this with increased physical activity, be it daily runs around the Ala Wai, daily evening swims in the pool, or daily sessions in my condo’s weight room. And I will forget the words of every personal trainer with whom I have ever worked, “You realize you will never have a ‘cut’ physique,” because that’s not what I really want. I simply want to be leaner and more lithe than I already am. And, once one begins paying more attention to much healthier habits, one eventually has less time, naturally, for habits such as smoking and drinking. (Unless, of course, one is spending time on the cocktail circuit for an evening, which is neither here nor there. We all need our moments of revelry and debauchery.)

II. Return To Sans Souci
Just because one no longer boasts a weekly meet-up with a close friend at what has also become “his” beach…does not mean that he needs to abandon the tradition entirely. And I will not. Because I am within walking distance of it, now, as well. And in fact shall begin this weekly tradition again this weekend. Hello, again, golden-hued flesh!

III. Become Extreme
I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world in which to take physical risks. These risks can be low (depending on one’s skills, of course), such as, for me, snorkeling, body-boarding, and hiking, or they can be high, e.g., ziplining, kiteboarding, and climbing. However, as an extreme sports enthusiast, I resolve to undertake one (if not more) of these a month, for the next twelve, and beyond.

IV. Ink Skin…Finally
There has never been a time in my life more like the present than to finally take that original tattoo of mine that I designed several years ago into a salon and have it inked into the flesh at the back of my neck, at last. Additionally, I want one more, later, which I will choose by simply walking into the salon and flipping through the artists’ books, at random.

V. Be More Creative
Read more. Write more. Photograph more. Design more. I have fallen further out of these healthy habits over the last three years, and need to reclaim them as my own once again. This endeavor also includes enrolling in professional classes along similar lines, e.g., learning Japanese, practicing Chinese calligraphy, and, a return to an old favorite, formal printmaking, in a studio. It is definitely time to be more creative.

VI. Get Published
I do not care, really, what the piece is eventually about. It may be a more formal essay on the practice or discipline of graphic design, or a piece in a more local publication. But I will see my name in print this year, and not only online.

VII. Become More Involved…In All Arenas
Again, rather along the same lines, I need to get back to my proverbial roots that I cultivated with the local arts chapters and organizations I worked with last year, e.g., AIGA, ARTafterDARK, the Downtown Arts District, etc. Rarely did activities on my own personal time bring me more pleasure than did they. Until, that is, I volunteered for the Special Olympics Hawaii’s Holiday Classic back in December, working, for the first time in many years, in a purely volunteer capacity, with no self-gain involved. Remembering how I felt then has afforded me the resolve to become more active as a volunteer, be it within the local arts community, or with other organizations that are close to my heart (Special Olympics Hawaii, The Life Foundation, Gregory House, etc.).

VIII. Become More Fiscally Organized And Responsible
I need to attend more to those things I have always loathed: personal budgets. Those little cut-backs that do not really affect you that much in the moment, but will eventually allow you to, I don’t know, save up to replace or enjoy news toys, i.e., cell phone, laptop, MP3 players, the adoption of a new canine friend, more Prada, etc.

IX. Explore A Place I Have Never Been Before…By Myself
…or, again, rather along the same lines: travel. I have felt this way for over a year, now: that I need to get away, relax, explore, but entirely on my own. Even if it is only a long weekend on a neighbor island I have not yet visited…or a return to Alaska (a place I truly loved when I once vacationed there) to explore it, this time, entirely by myself.

X. Stop Looking For Love
I think that this is my most important resolution of all. For doing so will allow all of the previous nine resolutions to become more important, to take more precedence in my life and in my decisions, and to allow this new year to become more about what it should be about: exploring me.

With nothing but The Best Of Intentions.

Filed under: Art, Blogging, Design, Food, Music, Volunteerism, Writing , a-list, defining moments, fitness, hawaii, linkage, lists, needful reminders, philanthropy, pimpage, publishing, retail therapy, sports, what would jackie do

2007: Well, That Sucked.

“I very nearly celebrated the first evening of 2007 by opening my veins on the floor of a bathtub in a room at the Pagoda Hotel in Honolulu.”

It really is rather difficult to top a lead sentence like that one.

Because not only did it concisely and accurately encapsulate the first day of my 2007, it also, I realize now, in hindsight, set the tone for the majority of the rest of my 2007. I mean, not in the sense of feeling that I wanted to kill myself every day (that feeling only came and went rather intensely yet fleetingly on that first day, and never returned), but in the sense of, “Wow. This must be the lowest point of my year. Things have got to get better. Right? Right?!”

*cicadas*

I changed residences, twice, returning to old Honolulu neighborhoods I had shared for some time with past lovers, sharing them this time around not with lovers, but with roommates. I was finally fired from a long-term professional position that I was most likely subconsciously trying to be fired from for quite some time, since I had honestly grown to hate it so vociferously. And, I allowed my best friend (who had stopped speaking to me for reasons known only to him two days before the beginning of the year, and whose excommunication played a not insignificant role in my decision to open my veins on the first evening of the new year) back into my life, on April Fool’s Day, a decision that was against my better judgment and flew in the face of all of the warnings against doing so that issued forth from my other, truer, friends, who all seemed to know without being told that he would disappear again, no matter what he said to the contrary. And, of course, he did.

However, 2007 was not all wrath and weeping.

Moving back to those two neighborhoods, on my own, revitalized my confidence and happiness, as even respective Liquorette Mart and cafe owners and cashiers remembered me from years and other lifetimes before. (Also, I do not think I need to reiterate yet again how fabulous my new roommate actually is, but I will do so anyway.) Being fired from my professional position lit the proverbial fire under my ass to finally find a position (without “settling”) that challenges me, inspires me, and makes me happy. And, the best friend thing? I suppose all that I can take away with me from that is the knowledge that I was secure enough with myself to welcome him back, for however long he wanted, and, finally, to hold no grudges for wrongs (real or imagined) done to me. If I was successful at little else throughout 2007, I can tell myself that I was definitely successful at being a friend.

And I have this new blog, quietly slouching toward its first birthday. And I have all of the new friends I have met throughout the year, both in real life and here, online. And I have all of the amazingly new experiences helping others that I was fortunate enough to have this year. And, really? As long as I have a cherished space in which to reflect, ruminate, and rage, the best friends that a life can offer, and a new resolve to do things for others before oneself? I really do not need that much else.

So I do not suppose 2007 sucked that much after all. Because for each bad thing that I experienced, for each moment that destroyed a bit of my soul, and for each experience that made me die a little…I grew a little, inside, as well…and became stronger.

And really, what more can one demand of a year than that?

Filed under: Relationships, Volunteerism , a-list, alucina, defining moments, emotional landscapes, home, honolulu, memories, needful reminders, office love, philanthropy

Let Me Be Brave In The Attempt

“Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”
— Special Olympics Athlete Oath

Should you happen to be one of those people who have known me for awhile (i.e., even slightly longer than two years), you would likely be shocked to hear that someone previously so bitter and cynical and selfish would volunteer an entire weekend of his time to photograph several events during Special Olympics Hawaii’s Holiday Classic. I was shocked, as well; so shocked, in fact, that when I noticed myself responding almost immediately in the affirmative via e-mail to my fabulous roommate’s query as to whether or not I wanted to join her in the endeavor this weekend, I wondered to myself, “Is this really me?”

Well, it was really me.

And, I am so happy that I did so.

However, I am not quite sure that words can accurately express my experience, nor what I learned from it.

(I only hope that some of the images I captured will accurately express both.)

I did not realize until after returning home late Saturday afternoon, while reviewing the photographs on my camera, that I had actually developed a bond, however ephemeral, with the athletes I had photographed. I heard my favorite male athlete, hurling an assisted bowling ball strongly down the end lane right next to where I was crouching, attempting to get a good shot of him, not only cheering his bowling ball as it traveled down his lane, but also his own effort…only to, a few hours later, capture several images of him being awarded the gold medal in his division. Similarly, I heard my favorite female athlete, early Sunday morning, cheer her own bowling ball down her lane, her cheers muffled by both hands clasped in anxiety over her mouth, until she saw that she had bowled a strike, and burst into smile and laughter…which were only bested by the smile I captured as she received her own gold medal a few hours later.

Those are only two of the many athletes who touched me, throughout the two days and the 1,400 images captured of the Holiday Classic.

I am so happy that I was able to participate in this experience.

Because the experience, and, far more importantly, the athletes themselves, taught me, somehow, that my old bitter, cynical, and selfish mantra of “win or die” should be amended with the second sentence of the athletes’ own mantra, “But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”

Because that is, really, all that matters.

“Special Olympics Hawaii offers year-round sports training and athletic competition to children and adults with intellectual disabilities. More than 1,500 athletes, from around the state, benefit from participation in the program.

Special Olympics athletes are men, women, boys and girls with intellectual disabilities. They are like other athletes. They train and compete. They learn to win and to lose. They strive to do their best. They inspire us.”

They certainly inspired me.

Filed under: Photography, Volunteerism , a-list, defining moments, hawaii, linkage, needful reminders, sports

A Day Without Words

My ex, Gavin, was a bit more comprehensive than I in terms of his message for World AIDS Day, disseminated this morning in a mass email to colleagues, friends, family, and industry folk. Because I was impressed by how much information the message contained, and because of its Hawai`i focus, I called him up and said, “Hey! Mind if I post this in my blog if I cite you?” As usual, he graciously agreed.

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Today is World AIDS Day. The article below [A Story of Failure for World AIDS Day, by Robert Bazell, NBC News Correspondent] is a sobering reflection on the battle we continue to fight against HIV and AIDS, and continue to lose. With an estimated 40 million people worldwide living with HIV by the end of 2005, and more than 20 million people having died of AIDS since 1981, December 1st serves to remind everyone that action makes a difference in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

Americans should be reminded that HIV/AIDS does not discriminate. With an estimated 1,039,000 to 1,185,000 HIV positive individuals living in the U.S. and 35,000 to 40,000 new infections occurring every year, the U.S., like other nations around the world, is deeply affected by HIV/AIDS.

Please help commemorate World Aids Day by taking part in one of the local observances listed below.

Thanks,
Gavin

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World AIDS Day Observances on Oahu

• Local health organizations will be setting up tables in the plaza outside Bank of Hawaii on Bishop Street starting at 11:00 a.m.
• AIDS Memorial Quilt panels will be displayed for public viewing at The Cathedral of Our Lady of Peace from 2:00 p.m. until the end of the 5:30 p.m. ceremony. Please enter from Fort Street Mall near Beretania.
• At 5:30 p.m., there will be a short service and a candlelight vigil to recognize World AIDS Day at The Cathedral of Our Lady of Peace, 1184 Bishop Street.
• The public schools on Oahu are participating in a Poster Contest supporting the two focuses of World AIDS Day, “No Shame” (the local focus) and “Stop AIDS – Keep the Promise” (the national theme). The winners of the art contest will have their work displayed in the gallery of The Cathedral of Our Lady of Peace from 10:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.
• From 7:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., there will be a showing of the classic Emmy-award winning PBS television documentary, “Simple Courage.” The film will be shown at Next Door, 43 North Hotel Street, which has generously donated their space in support of World AIDS Day. This film depicts the similarities between society’s handling of the leprosy epidemic in the late 19th century and the present-day AIDS situation. After the 60-minute documentary, Stephanie Castillo, writer/director/producer, will be available to answer questions. For more information, call 808.733.9281 or email mmoore@lifefoundation.org.
• Kapiolani Community College’s Service Learning Division will be celebrating World AIDS Day from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. at the KCC Cafeteria, Ohia Building. For more information, contact Dawn Baxter at 808.734.9353 or email kccserve@hawaii.edu.
• University of Hawai`i’s John A. Burns School of Medicine will recognize World AIDS Day in the third floor auditorium at the Kaka`ako Campus, starting at 4:00 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. with a screening of “A Closer Walk,” an AIDS documentary narrated by Glenn Close and Will Smith. Following the documentary, a pizza dinner will be provided by AMSA until 6:00 p.m. At 6:00 p.m., an AIDS panel featuring Lisa Marten, DrPH (“Global and Local Patterns of HIV Infection”), Seiji Yamada, MD, MPH (“Treatment on a Global Scale”), and Ron Tanaka, second year medical student (“Testing for HIV in Tambi, Tanzania”) will be there to speak about their work and answer questions. For more information, email Aimee Grace, or Seiji Yamada.

For more information on World AIDS Day in Hawai`i, visit World AIDS Day Hawai`i.

Also, and with curtsies to yet another friend / ex, visit Light to Unite, light a virtual candle, and Bristol-Myers Squibb will donate $1 to AIDS research.

And, three final links to other resources, since we can never have too many of those when it comes to HIV/AIDS.

amfAR – The Foundation for AIDS Research
The Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS
Gay Men’s Health Crisis

Filed under: Editorials, Media, Volunteerism , a-list, linkage, memories

What Will You Do?

What will YOU do?

Filed under: Volunteerism , a-list, emotional landscapes, linkage, love each day, memories, needful reminders