Curious Affairs Of Atherton Bartelby

The Original Angels at The Emmys, 2006

My mother bought me my first gun when I was five years old.

She did not want to buy it for me, but I begged and pleaded until she did. It was a toy gun, a .38 Special replica that fired caps off of those rounded red disks. The same gun that Kelly Garrett, Sabrina Duncan, and Jill Munroe carried. (My mother did not know at the time that our housekeeper Helga had been allowing me to watch episodes of “Charlie’s Angels” in secret; I was only officially allowed to watch PBS.)

“My name is Munroe!” I yelled to my mother, after mock-shooting a Bad Guy (it was a seagull) on our beach, thrilled by the reports of my toy gun’s caps.

“Munroe?” my mother queried, brushing brunette strands of hair out of her face against the wind. “Your name is Bartelby. Who is Munroe?”

“Jill!” I exclaimed, firing my toy gun again and channeling the woman I had seen on our brand new color television set, fighting Bad Guys and solving crimes and racing cars and playing tennis and looking fabulous, all feathered blonde hair and soft, whispery voice.

“I am Jill Munroe!”

My mother laughed, indulging me. “Well, mon cher, I am sure that you are.”

That evening, we watched an episode of “Charlie’s Angels” together, after I had confessed to her that I had been watching it, but without divulging Helga’s involvement. We watched Jill drive. We watched Jill run (in five-inch cork wedge heels). We watched Jill solve crimes.

As the closing credits rolled, I turned to my mother and asked excitedly, “I’m Jill, yes? I am Jill Munroe?”

“Yes,” my mother said to me, caressing my cheek, “you are definitely Jill Munroe.”

It’s a difficult space to be in, when one of your idols has died. When one of those icons of your youth has suddenly vanished. When everything that they represented to you comes back into focus. When suddenly that toy gun that you made your mother purchase for you, just so you could become so much more adept at being Jill Munroe, a.k.a. Farrah Fawcett, suddenly retains so much more meaning.

Farewell, Angel.

I shall miss you.

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ELSEWHERE ACROSS THE DIGITAL WORLD:
There is an excellent post up right now on BlogHer that is a fabulous compendium of Farrah Fawcett’s life and career, by AV Flox, of course. You should read it.