The AB Remainders: The Loveliest Island Anchored In Any Ocean
Today here at Curious Affairs we are purposefully ignoring the recent unannounced hiatus of “The AB Remainders” and proceeding without comment to announce a slight deviation from the usual content of this featured column to present our list of Oahu’s Top Ten Absolutely Not To Be Missed Sites, Events, And / Or Activities For The Potential Visitor. Think of this as one final, unofficial “Lonely Planet“-esque guide to the island; as gentle suggestions from one who has lived here for ten years, to hopefully make one’s time spent on The Gathering Place infinitely more memorable than a cheesy Polynesian Cultural Center luau would make it; or, as it actually is, a self-imposed penance for not dragging a dear friend to each of these places when she visited several weeks ago.
Wow. That was exhausting. I forgot how annoying I have always found it to write in the first person “Royal We”.
Anyway, yes, without further ado or any more extravagant run-on sentences, what follows are my picks for what no visitor to Oahu should miss during their sojourn on the island. I have purposefully attempted to stay away from the more typical travel guide fare to include those things not usually found there (although obviously I realize this is not the case in all instances); hopefully, I have succeeded.
And should you have additional ideas along the same lines, please definitely leave a comment with your suggestions, so that I and other interested readers may benefit from your wisdom!
Now. Shall we?
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ONE: Flash & Matty Boy’s Legendary Skyline Parties. Honolulu boasts many successful parties, and an equal number of party promoters, but none can compare, in my opinion, to Flash & Matty Boy’s events, particularly the twice-monthly “Skyline”. Set high atop the heart of Waikiki in Sheraton Waikiki’s Hanohano Room, the party provides panoramic views of Waikiki outside, as well as panoramic views of Honolulu’s Beautiful Ones inside. Well-known for its cutting-edge DJs, its guests’ classy attire, and insanely low-priced yet high-end vodka cocktails, “Skyline” is a party you will not want to miss. (Bonus points for you should you happen to stumble into “Skyline” for one of its themed evenings, e.g., The White Party, The Black Party, Heaven And Hell, etc.) Should you want the V.I.P. treatment (and why wouldn’t you?!), Flash & Matty Boy definitely make it available to you, to make an already fabulous soirée that much more fabulous. [Special Note: Ultra-swank dress code generally strictly enforced, even and perhaps especially for those on the V.I.P. list. Photo Credit: F/M Present.]
TWO: The Lanipo Trail Hike. Everyone hikes up Diamond Head Crater. [snores] Boring. All right, perhaps not boring, but would you not rather hike a trail that provided you even more of a challenge and even more stunning vistas to behold? I thought so. This is why you should check out the Lanipo Trail, “a grinding out-and-back ridge hike with more highs and lows than than the Beckhams and Brangelina combined”. The seven-mile hike, which is considered “Intermediate / Advanced”, takes one along the Mau`umae Ridge all the way to, if one follows the trail to its terminus, the summit of the Ko`olau Range. The views of the valleys and mountains, Ka`au Crater, and the entire island of Oahu, really, are well worth the effort that the trail demands. Click the title link above for more information, video, and directions to the trail head at the very top of Maunalani Heights. [Photo Credit: Terenceweis's Flickr.]
THREE: The Byodo-In Buddhist Temple. Located in the back of Oahu’s peaceful “Valley Of The Temples” is the Byodo-In Buddhist Temple, a replica of the 900-year-old Byodo-In in Uji, Japan. The temple grounds are nestled in what in my opinion are the most tranquil surroundings on the island, so it is worth a visit for that alone, but one may also visit the nine-foot Lotus Buddha and five-foot, three-ton brass Peace Bell inside the temple, the smaller Meditation House also on the grounds, or simply feed the koi fish in the two-acre koi pond. [Special Note: This is a religious area; please be respectful and quiet while in the Valley of the Temples. Remove your shoes before entering the temple. Most Awesome HDR Photo Credit: Shayan (USA)'s Flickr.]
FOUR: The Pu`u O Mahuka Heiau (a.k.a., “The Hill Of Escape”). This heiau, or Hawaiian temple, is one of the better preserved heiaus on Oahu, covering over five acres of a North Shore hilltop overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was considered a powerful place for the kahuna, and one of two places where wives of the ancient chiefs gave birth; it may also have been used for human sacrifice. I have written about this place in this blog several times, so suffice it to write this time that this is a rather humbling place, with a rather spectacular view of the ocean. [Special Note: Heiaus are sacred to the Hawaiian people and should be treated with the utmost respect. Do not move or remove anything from these sites. Do not climb or walk on the rock walls and platforms. Photo Credit: My Flickr.]
FIVE: Snorkeling / Scuba Diving At Shark’s Cove. One of the most memorable experiences I had on Oahu was during the autumn of 2006, when my roommates kidnapped me for a day of snorkeling at Shark’s Cove on Oahu’s North Shore. Accessible from March through October when the sea is calm, this stunning reef cannot even be seen during the high surf of the winter months. The unusually clear water and the underwater tunnels of the reef are perfect for exploring the lush marine life in the cove’s waters. One may even be lucky enough to spot a turtle. (Or a white-tipped reef shark, but they won’t bother you if you pay them the same respect.) Top off the day with a stop for a huge plate of shrimp from the famous Giovanni’s Aloha Shrimp Truck, and you have a day on the North Shore made in Heaven. (Or Paradise.) [Special Notes: Due to the sharp coral and rock formations, shoes should be worn at all times; the ocean drops off to about 25 feet at the end of the reef; and observe but do not disturb the marine life. Photo Credit: Phil Hilfiker Photography / PhilH's Flickr.]
SIX: The Ka`ena Point Trail Hike. Unfortunately, HawaiiWeb does not profer a very lush description of this hiking trail to the westernmost point of the island of Oahu, which I think is a shame, for it is a beautiful hike that ends in a breathtaking, almost spiritual place. “Ka`ena” may be translated as “the heat”, and this is no joke, as the rather lengthy trail is generally bereft of the trade winds that grace the rest of the island, and the sun is usually merciless. But the scenery and native plants and birds specific to this region of the island are well worth the heat. What’s so spiritual about it? “Some ancient Hawaiian folklore states that Ka`ena Point is the ‘jumping-off’ point for souls leaving this world” (via its Wiki). [Special Note: Bring lots of water; and, although the point may be accessed from either the north side or the south side of the island, the south approach is recommended. Photo Credit: Super-Structure's Flickr.]
SEVEN: Kaneaki Heiau. Again, one of Oahu’s best restored heiaus, Kaneaki Heiau is located on the Waianae Coast near Makaha. The temple, built in the 17th century, is in the center of Makaha Valley, and was originally dedicated to Lono, the god of agriculture. Full historically-correct restoration was accomplished by the Bishop Museum, which added two prayer towers, a taboo house, a drum house, an alter, and images of gods. Pili grass from the Big Island and ohia logs were also used. Although situated in the back of a valley instead of perched on a precarious North Shore cliff, The Kaneaki Heiau is every bit as breathtaking as The Pu`u O Mahuka Heiau mentioned earlier. [Special Note: Heiaus are sacred to the Hawaiian people and should be treated with the utmost respect. Do not move or remove anything from these sites. Do not climb or walk on the rock walls and platforms. Photo Credit: Jmcd303's Flickr.]
EIGHT: A Savory Brunch in Chinatown’s Maunakea Marketplace Food Court. Metromix Honolulu’s concise review phrases it perfectly: “Absolutely no pretensions — like the crowded, noisy kitchen in your grandmother’s house just before Christmas or New Year’s.” Pick up a cheap plate or bowl of whichever of a myriad of cuisines you may be craving, and make a stop for a fantastic coffee at the coffee cart just outside on your way to a spot in the courtyard, and you have the makings of a sublime culinary experience in the heart of Downtown’s Chinatown. [Photo Credit: 'Ono Kine Grindz.]
NINE: ARTafterDARK At The Honolulu Academy Of Arts. Should you be lucky enough to have scheduled your visit to Oahu in time for the final Friday of the month, you are virtually required to take in whatever festivities the talented and creative party-throwers of ARTafterDARK have planned for their monthly event that occurs from six to nine in the evening at The Academy. Composed of a dynamic group of young volunteers dedicated to exploring the arts, the group’s evenings are always a vibrant mix of themed music, exhibitions, food, and drinks, and are only $10 for non-members (free, should you happen to be a member). [Photo Credit: Sakara Blackwell.]
TEN: A Beach. Any Beach. At Sunset. At Midnight. With Someone You Love. Or All By Yourself. It will be one of the most wonderful evenings you have ever experienced. I promise. [Photo Credit: My Flickr.]
I went to The Byodo-In Buddhist Temple twice. I love it and it’s a great place to take lots of photos.
I appreciate your special notes about respecting the cultural Hawaiian landmarks. Lord knows the Hawaiians have suffered through cultural genocide and tourists continue to disrespect the land. They know nothing about the culture, except what they learn at the Polynesian Cultural Center or at some westernized luau. I long for visitors to realize what Hawaii’s history entails.
The documentary and book “Then There Were None” completely changed my perspective on Hawaii and it’s people. Those who dwell and tour these amazing islands need to realize colonization and oppression is not only a mistake unto the Native Americans. Thank you for respecting those who come from this beautiful place.
peroxidevixen
23 September 2008 at 18:10
I know you are going to think that this is crazy but my Tahitian wife was punished for trying learn her own culture and language when she grew up in Tahiti. In school, she was only taught the French language and history. Her Tahitian parents punished her for wanting to learn traditional Tahitian dance.
It was only when she went to school at BYU Hawaii and worked at the Polynesian Cultural Center where she could finally learned her native language and culture. Things in Tahiti are getting a little bit better but already most of the youth cannot speak their own language.
From a tourist standpoint PCC might seem cheesy, but behind the scenes, they are not only providing the Polynesian to learn about their own culture and languages, but providing 100% of the funding for their college education. Tens of thousands of Polynesians have had their college eduction funded by PCC and have gone on to be great educator, business and government leaders.
Chris Wilson
23 September 2008 at 19:02
PeroxideVixen: The first time I ever visited the Byodo-In was for the wedding of a friend / colleague of mine. It was cloudy and misty throughout the entire (outdoor) ceremony, and the beauty was so breathtaking to me that I nearly could not stand it. It is truly a magical place.
I do try to make those little notations regarding respect for the Hawaiian aina whenever I write about special places here, like the heiaus, since lack of respect for the land and the ocean is one of the biggest complaints I have heard here regarding tourists (and frankly, I share this complaint). I take these warnings so seriously that when I slipped on the lava flow rocks during my hike on the Big Island and sliced my hands open, I was afraid that the small chunks of rock embedded in my skin would haunt me because I took them (however unwillingly) from the land. (Who knows, perhaps they have!)
I plan to pick up the book you mentioned and read it; perhaps it will make for an appropriately fitting read during my HNL to NYC red eye in a few weeks. I definitely agree with your assertions regarding colonialism and oppression not only being experienced by the Native Americans, and if there is one thing I agree with regarding the Hawaiian Independence sentiment, it is that these things have most definitely been experienced by Hawaiians, as well.
Atherton Bartelby
23 September 2008 at 19:20
Chris Wilson: Actually what you describe of your wife’s upbringing and experience in Tahiti does not surprise me at all; I’ve met many people who have endured similar experiences in their own countries, particularly those countries whose colonization was relatively new. Experiences like your wife’s are one of the truly tragic consequences of colonialism.
I certainly did not mean to criticize all of the positive things that BYU Hawaii and the Polynesian Cultural Center afford those native to this region of the world; certainly, as you accurately point out, both entities have been and continue to be very important to the preservation of these cultures and languages and the dissemination of such knowledge about them.
I was merely making a comment on the PCC luau itself, which I (and the majority of local Hawaiians I know, as well) tend to think of as a commercialized, inauthentic version of the actual Hawaiian tradition. So while I applaud the PCC and BYU Hawaii for giving people such as your wife (and visitors to our region) the opportunity to learn about their own (and other) cultures, I do still have this one quibble with them regarding their luau.
Atherton Bartelby
23 September 2008 at 19:51
Woahs–I can’t imagine anything more different than NYC! (I’ve never been to Oahu/HI but will certainly keep this list in mind if I’m ever lucky enough to go.)
The Gay Recluse
24 September 2008 at 04:12
I would encourage you to watch the documentary. “Then There Were None” directed by Elizabeth Kapu’uwailani Lindsey Buyers, Ph.D. is an amazing reaccount of the devistation that took place: from the arrival of Captain James Cook to the first American missionaries, influenza and other diseases that killed thousands of Hawaiians, all the way to the 93′ gathering at ‘Iolani Palace marking the hundredth year since the last ruling queen was a prisoner in her own home.
The book is based on the documentary. I watched it back in undergrad where several students, like myself, were brought to tears. We were mad. Not solely due to what was pressed upon the Hawaiians and how they suffered, but we were mad because we never knew. We never even knew in all the years of history in school, the several vacations to Oahu, we never knew what happened. We couldn’t believe that in all those years, we were never told.
peroxidevixen
24 September 2008 at 06:53
10 should be “any beach, except Waikiki Beach” and come with a warning label about the Ala Wai and flesh eating bacteria.
OK, I’m just cranky because Spam musubi and puka dogs aren’t on that list!
AV
24 September 2008 at 08:58
I find it interesting that on this list of must-dos almost none of the photographs are yours. Though you didn’t drag your dear friend along, surely in ten years you’ve actually ‘done’ these places at least once, enough to snap a pic or at least give us something more personal about your recommendation.
Fairly or not, this leads one to believe that your recommendations are based not from personal experience but rather a spastic and deliberately obscure aggregation of ‘bests’ from travel blogs or hiking trail sites.
I’d hoped this would be a final love letter to a place you (seemingly) never wanted to leave but instead I was disappointed to find a travelogue.
I suppose your flight to NYC cannot come soon enough.
Christopher
24 September 2008 at 22:01
TGR: Yes, it is drastically different from NYC, of that you may be certain. But I think it is safe to assert that nearly everything that one finds / experiences here is well worth the trip! :-)
Atherton Bartelby
25 September 2008 at 05:33
PeroxideVixen: This sounds like an amazing book and documentary. I will most definitely be putting both on my must-read / must-see lists. I think atrocities such as what each seem to describe / investigate, that are somehow “secret” to the majority of the population because they are never covered in mainstream media, are very important things about which to know. So thank you for the recommendations! :-)
Atherton Bartelby
25 September 2008 at 05:37
AV: HA HA HA! OMG how could I have forgotten to include the caveat regarding Waikiki beaches and Ala Wai flesh-eating bacteria?! Also, whatevs, I will never understand your fascination / obsession with Spam musubis. EW! [dodges Manolo hurled across Pacific from SoCal]
Atherton Bartelby
25 September 2008 at 05:39
Christopher: And I find it interesting that someone who has (seemingly) never before commented to this blog would have such a vast experience of the entries and images presented here over the years to feel that he has the right to reply, finally, in such a disparaging and mocking tone. It’s a good thing that nothing that happens to me in this place anymore ever surprises me, or your critiques out of left field would have really done a proverbial number on me.
If you have followed this blog as closely as your comment certainly suggests, then (one would hope) you have already read my more personal accounts of each of these places and events; I did not want to revisit the emotional landscapes of those personal experiences and the people with whom I shared them in this post. My intent in this piece was not to revive old personal ghosts, but to provide in a hopefully lighthearted manner information regarding my favorite experiences here for others to share.
As for your critiques regarding my “spastic and deliberately obscure aggregation of ‘bests’ from travel blogs or hiking trail sites”, I should have noted, I suppose, that I experienced each of these places and events well in advance of finding them on HawaiiWeb, whose links were supplied only as a way for interested readers to obtain more information about each, directions to get to each, etc. And in regard to your critique regarding the images, yes, only two of them are mine, and yes, for this post I deliberately chose to highlight the photographs from others’ particularly impressive Flickr photostreams as illustrative elements for each item. I won’t go into (although even though this is a personal blog you seem to want me to) the lurid details of all of the hardware, data, and images that I have lost over the past two years, nor for what reasons, nor to defend myself for at times living the experiences instead of also thinking, “Wow, now how am I going to photograph this for my blog?” I don’t live my life that way. Besides, my photographic memories are already well-documented here and in my own Flickr, so I don’t think I need to justify my creative choices to a “random stranger” who so clearly views both this post and this blog with derision.
I apologize that this entry did not meet your shockingly lofty expectations of it. But I’m not sorry that I wrote it in the way that I did, “travelogue” or not. And incidentally, I had intended to conclude my time here in Hawaii with a final “love letter”, as you put it, to this place, to be posted while waiting for my departing flight at HNL. If it never makes its way onto this blog, however, you’ll have people like yourself to thank for that. Because, to respond to your final pithy remark: No. My flight to NYC cannot come soon enough.
And it’s things like this and people like you that have made that so.
So, thank you for that rather “needful reminder”.
Atherton Bartelby
25 September 2008 at 05:47
Oh my. Atherton. Defensive, much?
Despite your excessive and narcissistic reply, I don’t deride your ‘personal’ blog. Quite the contrary. I enjoy it. It’s a fascinating study of the human condition. And quite funny.
If you could get past your victim complex for a minute, I think you’d understand more clearly. I don’t pretend to understand why you suddenly loathe where you live at the moment, but it seemed odd that a piece about the places you hold in high regard would not be seen through your own eyes. Granted, I haven’t had time (or known your blog long enough) to hear about lost cameras or whatever. But to a new visitor to the World of Atherton Bartleby, it’s as if someone wrote a love letter full of cribbed quotes.
I know you won’t get it, because you have stooped to that time honored tactic of the snobby elite. If by “people like yourself” and “people like you” you mean swarthy Oregon expatriates who prefer shine rather than rain, I’m somewhat offended.
But, if what you mean by people “like me” are those who, despite their non-elite status and cultural ignorance know that punctuation marks like commas and periods belong inside quotation marks and not beyond them, I won’t be offended at all.
I’m sorry. I tried not to be pithy but being lectured by you for having an opinion that isn’t fawning is something “people like me” evidently don’t take very well.
-C
Christopher
25 September 2008 at 07:28
Dear “Christopher”: I do hope that my other far more innocent and appreciative readers will forgive reading my profanity when I type, “FUCK OFF”.
Atherton Bartelby
25 September 2008 at 07:36
As I said, I do appreciate your stuff.
But okay, Atherton. I feel your anger and loathing. And I forgive you for it. I shall, as you ask, “Fuck Off.”
Christopher
25 September 2008 at 09:07
I’m disappointed that someone would take the time to reply to a carefully put-together post to scold the writer for not using his own images. While we build better blogs with criticism than we do with fawning praise, your comment is not a constructive criticism.
A constructive suggestion would have been, “I know a lot of people don’t carry cameras when they hike and if they do, don’t always take the best photos, but this post would have been better if you had shared what you saw of these locations that touched you so deeply, even if they aren’t professional quality.” That’s constructive. That’s helpful.
Instead, you scold the author who has taken time to put this together for not using his own images and then insinuate that he has never been to these places. You call the contents on the list an “spastic and obscure aggregation” and mention laughing (why are you surprised when the author is defensive?). Of course they are obscure–they’re the lesser known places and the whole point is to bring them to light. What’s so wrong about that?
When I visited with Mr. Bartelby in April, I had the fortune of being shown a couple of these places. But even if the author had never been, aren’t you nevertheless glad that someone is showcasing these locales which are sadly often overlooked? Why can’t you take a moment to appreciate the effort instead of damning the one who undertook it for something trivial?
You’re unkind. And you’re a coward. You have no problem responding, but you don’t give any contact information so you can be held accountable. That’s not how WE interact on the internet. WE make conversation. WE want a better user experience and WE make an effort to help those whose blogs we enjoy provide better content. WE do this with firm words but WE never lose sight of the effort they have put forth.
AV
25 September 2008 at 11:51
[...] week Atherton published a piece featuring the ten most charming and often overlooked places in Hawaii. The piece, which was a final [...]
OMG. OMG. OMFG.
28 September 2008 at 05:01
I do have to say that I concur on almost every point. These were frequently my suggestions to friends who were visiting the islands throughout the years. My husband sent me the link to this article after I first read it (due to another post by AV Flox).
By the way, I didn’t find the lack of personal photos to be distracting. Whatever, man, it’s a question of taste. You decided it’d be better without blurry, kapakai pictures. Some people think otherwise.
Clearly you’ve gone to this places. None of what you wrote sounded like you just copied off someone else.
Coral
10 October 2008 at 00:11
Coral: Thank you so much for your comment; I very much appreciated it. I chose nearly all of the places of cultural / historical importance on this list because I had been introduced to and visited them with important people in my life in Hawaii; therefore they reside in a special place in my heart / memory, so I was very happy to read your missive concurring with me on almost every point. (I was also happy to read your final paragraph regarding the legitimacy of my visits to each of these places. I would have taken the time to link every entry in my blog in which I originally wrote about my experiences in each of these places had I known beforehand their truth would have been questioned. Heh.)
And thank you also for the kind words regarding staying away from the kapakai photographs. I’d no idea my decision to highlight and link to photographs of others I considered far superior to mine, in the spirit of Web 2.0 and Creative Commons sharing, would be considered such a negative by certain readers, so I am happy that you did not mind it.
Thanks again for your comment, and for stopping by!
Atherton Bartelby
10 October 2008 at 05:34