Archive for May, 2008

26
May

Video Drone

I adore Sandy, my free personal email assistant, because she reminds me to do things that I might otherwise forget to do, e.g., “Don’t forget that big interview you have today for that job that you probably won’t be offered!” and, “Remember you have a 2:00 cut, color, and style with Joe @ J Salon that you’ll probably just end up canceling anyway!” and, “Hey, Idiot! Remember to return those overdue library books that you checked out over five weeks ago!” But I adore her even more when her reminders look precisely like this one…

\"Hi! You have no life today! Have a great day!\"

…which is what my daily schedule from Sandy looked like this morning. So I smiled broadly to myself, put the laptop that I had just fired up back to sleep, and promptly grabbed my wallet and mobile for a dash into Waikiki and a holiday brunch. While inhaling two bowls of fresh fruit, a Spanish omelete, two pancakes, three sausage links, and way too many cups of sugary black coffee (I know, right?! I’m surprised I’m this thin, as well!), I thought a bit about what I was going to do for the remainder of my dayafternoon.

And that turned out to be…video!

My mini-obsession began late yesterday afternoon, when my Twitter friend @fashiontribe posted a Tweet about a site called Animoto.com. Built by an amazing bunch of techies and film and television producers, Animoto is a new web application that automatically generates professionally-produced videos using “patent-pending technology and high-end motion design.” Obviously, I had to try it out, and the verdict is that it is actually rather awesome. I only signed up for the free 30-second animated shorts, and they don’t embed in WordPress quite the way my anal-retentive aesthetics would like, so I’ve embedded the file from my YouTube Channel below.

Anyway, it is a very sweet new app that everyone should check out.

Oh, what is that I hear? “But, Atherton Bartelby, even though you are not schooled in video production, are you not a graphic designer with the means, creativity, and computer software required to produce a higher-end version of this same product?” Why, yes, thank you for pointing that out; I merely wanted to share the Animoto app with everyone else who does not have access to Adobe Creative Suite 3 as do I, and also because I think it is a very cool app. However, since you asked so nicely, I have embedded another, longer production below that I spent the better part of today producing.

All right, it isn’t *really* “video,” but more of an animated photo album set to a soundtrack. However, as I am new to video content creation, I decided it was probably best for me to start slowly, and not begin immediately with capturing sub-quality video footage via my laptop’s web cam and embarrassing myself all over the interwebs. Besides, with my now-fully-awakened interest in video production for the web kindled, and my shiny new Viddler account, and all sorts of exciting things about to happen to me in the coming months, one may rest assured that I will soon be posting vlogs like mad.

Just as soon as I pick up one of these sweet little things, as well.

I’m thinking orange.

25
May

The Blog Without Undo

This morning’s Sunday edition of The New York Times’ New York Times Magazine features a cover story by writer, blogger, and former co-editor of Gawker.com, Emily Gould, entitled, “Blog-Post Confidential: Exposed: What I gained — and lost — by writing about my intimate life online.” In the article, Ms. Gould weaves a cautionary tale of the risks one takes when one shares too many intimate details of their lives and relationships in the very public forum that is the blogosphere. It is a poignant piece of losing two different men to two different blogs, and poses some provocative questions concerning why some of us who blog feel the need to share the more intimate details of our lives on the Internet, the price we sometimes pay for doing so, and, perhaps most importantly, at what point does “sharing” on the Internet become, as Ms. Gould puts it, “oversharing?” It is a very well-articulated piece, and I highly recommend that everyone read it (particularly those bloggers who, like Ms. Gould — and myself — may perhaps be prone to “oversharing”).

My own lessons learned due to oversharing begin here.

In March of 2003, I started a blog.

My mother had died several weeks earlier, my relationship of nearly ten years was in turmoil and nearing dissolution, and I did not want to further inconvenience my close friends who were already overburdened with my emotions by continuing to cry effusively to them on a daily basis. I knew that several of my graphic and web designer friends from the online design forums I frequented maintained blogs, and I remembered how I had, until several years earlier, always made it a practice to keep a daily, written account of my thoughts and experiences, and how cathartic that sometimes had been for me. So I did some research on the various options that were available to me and eventually set up a rather modest LiveJournal blog. It was not much to begin with, to be sure: it “boasted” a plain, standard template, those few designer acquaintances were the only people listed on my “Friends List,” and the blog’s title was likely no more imaginative than, “The Bartelby Journal,” or something equally as juvenile. But it was mine: my space, all alone out there in the great white Internet, removed from the man I no longer felt loved me enough; closer, somehow, to the mother I had recently lost; and always willing to receive, with no expectations nor judgment, the words, thoughts, experiences, and hopes with which I decided to fill its blank, pixelated “pages.”

The first few entries seemed magical to me: I was writing again! And not “writing” as in annual employee assessments or design and production budgets or agendas for spec or pitch meetings, but actual writing! I wrote short, depressing pieces regarding my mother’s death and subsequent journey back to Chicago to attend her memorial service with my brother and his family, a more esoteric piece about Pele following a long weekend on the Big Island with my boyfriend, and an article eulogizing both the loss of Funny Cide at the Belmont Stakes that year and the death of my relationship. All carefully crafted in language, and published online, like my own little book with its own (albeit small) readership. But more important, to me, was that not only were the pieces “out there” for others, they were “there” for me: the products of my experiences and my own particular take on the events of my life.

Not long after my break-up, the tenor of my blog posts changed dramatically. They were no longer individual pieces crafted by me, for me, and for the few readers who cared about my life and what was occurring in it. They became love letters, to a man with whom I eventually rebounded entirely too soon following the end of a nearly ten-year-long relationship. The entries continued to be written for him, and to him, even after we moved in together, humorous ways for me to check in with him throughout the day while I was in my office and he was in class or at home in our condo. I would come across something funny online, or have a sudden thought, post it, and within minutes my telephone would ring and it would be him, having just checked in with me via my blog, chuckling at what he had read. Soon after the proverbial honeymoon period had ended, the posts, although still written to him, changed from happy and humorous, to sad, and eventually to desperate, as my relationship with him, too, began to crumble, and by nine months into that relationship, not even a full year into the life of my blog, I was single, for the first time in my life.

Following the initial period of post-break-up weepy entries, my blog became infused with my own unique brand of vitriol, marking the first of many moments of oversharing to come, and one of the few I truly regret, in hindsight, because the linguistic arrows I hurled in my most recent ex-boyfriend’s direction did not fall on blind eyes. He was still reading me, reading me reveal too much, reading my pain, and reading his own pain caused by my words. But he was not the only one reading. Anger, rage, and vengeance are perfect foundations for excellent blog entries, and these kinds of entries attract all manner of readers. My readership began to grow. I was becoming, I felt, a “real” blogger.

My blog began to metamorphose, much like its audience base. I changed my user name, upgraded the blog’s title (”The Martini Diaries”), and made the design sexier. I drank a lot. I slept around a lot. I had no problem with returning to my condo at four in the morning and composing an inebriated, barely coherent piece regarding what (and who) I had done throughout the evening, all to the delight of my (mostly female) readership, most of whom were beginning to feel like my best friends forever. Thanks to my most recent break-up, two fifths of Stolichnaya every evening, and a nearly perpetual loop of “Sex and the City” episodes playing on my television in the background, I composed what I still think to this day are some of my best pieces concerning relationships, and also erotica. I was loving it, this being in charge of making people laugh, cry, or rage, with only my experiences and my words. A year and another highly publicized relationship and break-up later, my blog’s design and title changed yet again (”Notes From A Phoenix”). I was in the proverbial seventh heaven of blogging.

Fortunately for me, I was never forced to worry about what my romantic partners thought of me blogging about them. Aside from the poisonous entries that I wrote about my rebound man, I was able to keep what I wrote about each largely positive, and none of them really seemed to care one way or another that their private lives and personalities were being splayed across my blog for everyone to read as much as my own were. My problem, instead, became those readers who had become my friends.

As sometimes happens amongst friends, in real life or online, people make decisions for themselves and take different paths. Sometimes, those friendships that are healthy to begin with are malleable enough to change with the people who play in them. Others, depending on the rigidity of the personalities of those involved, are not. I suddenly found myself in the middle of a circle of very strong-willed, stubborn, and unbending individuals I once termed my best friends forever, who suddenly, after over two years of knowing me, disagreed with the way in which I was living my life and representing it in my online writing, and who wanted me to change. And when I refused to do so, I suddenly realized that these people had a wealth of years’ worth of personal information about me, not only what I had shared with them in the time I had known them, but also about my past, about my childhood, about…well, about everything about me. And they were not afraid to use it against me, to talk amongst themselves about what a mess they thought I was making of my life and what a horrible person I was, to color what mutual friends of ours thought of me, and to generally make my online world, this world to which I could escape, as miserable as my offline world sometimes was.

In so many words, they stole from me that safe space that I had so lovingly carved out of the great white Internet, for myself, way back in March of 2003.

In an act of defiance, I stripped my blog of all design elements and chose a stark, minimalist layout. I changed the title in one final effort to keep the passion of that space, of my words, of my life, alive: “ctrl+Z: & The Life without Undo.” And then, after only a few months, and for a long while after that, I lost the will to blog. I locked all of the entries in my blog that were public. I attempted to continue relationships with those online friends I had cultivated, but everything in that space seemed somehow tainted by the experiences I had encountered there, and by the anger and resentment with which these former “friends” had ended their associations with me. For awhile, I stopped writing at all, save for a “Friends Filter” I used specifically for my surrogate little sister to read of my daily stories involving work, potential romantic interests, and exploits with the few remaining “real life” friends I still boasted in the islands.

The blog I had loved for so long now felt dead.

By January of 2007, when the last of my remaining “real life” friends had left the islands to return to the Mainland, when my best friend had suddenly stopped speaking to me, and when I was left feeling entirely abandoned during the lonely holiday season, I nearly slit my wrists open in a hotel bathtub, somehow decided not to (Blessed Be, Shannen Doherty), and also decided that I had had enough. Because I needed a space for myself again. I needed a space in which to write again. And no one, I vowed, was going to prevent me from having it. I once again did some research, this time chose a pseudonym, and established a new blog.

This time around, I made it a point to be more mindful of what I was writing about, of how I was presenting myself, of what I was presenting about myself. I decided that the blog would always be entirely open to the public, which I thought, rightfully so, would force me to put more thought, and more caution, into what I was writing and divulging online. And I made a pact with myself to be more mindful of scrutinizing those readers who approached me far more carefully than I had previously before allowing them into my inner circle. Before, for me, “Without Undo” meant that I could do what I wanted and write what I wanted without a care for anything or anyone, that I could blindly tap out, “Holy shit! I am so fucking in ebriated and what am I doing?!1 Dahsing up to The Green Room for several TOp shelf Cosmopolitans before strutting into ThE Lion’s Den. Here’s hoping I meet up with some fucking interestinfg people who won’t give me STDsa and know how to fucking discusss KANTinental philosophyu and surrealist apainters because that’s what I W fucking feel like talking about tonightr. Ha ha hA!!12″ as a drunk entry and not care anything about it. And although archived entries such as that one still make me laugh like hell when I come across them, this blog now is more of a “Blog Without Undo” than any version of it that I have maintained before. Because now, before I click “Publish,” I am confident that I have written precisely what I intended, and have nothing to be ashamed of nor to apologize for, and that I have not “overshared.”

I suppose a casual reader might point to entries such as my near-suicide, or my recent addiction entries, and suggest that those are examples of oversharing. Except they’re not, really. They may be unconventional in terms of what they share, and they may certainly make my headhunters pray that potential employers never find this little corner of the Internet, but not only are they examples of me putting myself and my words out there for me, they are also examples of me putting myself and my words out there for others, others who may be experiencing the same things, and need to know that they are not alone. They are also entries that represent individual chapters of the larger book that is, well, me.

In the final post in her blog “Heartbreak Soup,” Ms. Gould concluded, “I made some mistakes, it’s true. Writing this may well be another! But I am not going to shut up just because I might regret what I’ve said later. That might be the smart thing to do, and I’ve tried to, but I can’t. It must be because I’m a blogger.” As much as I have overshared online in my time as a serious blogger, and as much as I have sometimes “overtrusted” others with intimate details about myself, like Ms. Gould, I cannot worry about regret. Because what is far more important to me than regretting something I have written is being able to return to it, weeks, months, or even years later, and be able to see the education of myself as a blogger, as a writer, and as a person, to see the arc between what and who I once was, and what and who I have become.

But I still have Emily Magazine as a place to spew when I need to. It will never again be the friendly place that it was in 2004 — there are plenty of negative comments now, and I don’t delete them. I still think about closing the door to my online life and locking them out, but then I think of everything else I’d be locking out, and I leave it open.

When I look back on my own history of oversharing online, it is Ms. Gould’s final thought in her article with which I agree the most. As much of a game of chance, of calculated risks, as blogging sometimes is, there are some of us who simply seem to need it: that rush of writing, of creation, that sense of space for ourselves, and for however many others enjoy reading us, out there in the great white Internet. I will never again have my humble, safe little “Bartelby Journal,” either. But I do have “Curious Affairs,” which, to me, is a body of work that shows me just how far that little Törleß boy has come, and just how much he has grown into the Bartelby man he is now.

I’d also amend Gould’s final line just one bit, for myself.

We should not only leave the door open because of everything we’d be locking out, but also because of everything we’d be locking in.

+ + +

Author’s Note: As a daily (i.e., casual) visitor of Gawker.com for the past two years, I had become a fan of Ms. Gould’s excellent writing, caustic wit, and personal anecdotes during her tenure with the blog, but I was vastly ill-prepared for all that I discovered during my research for this piece. A lot (actually, most) of what I discovered angered me on Ms. Gould’s behalf, and I strongly feel that there is much more to be written regarding the seemingly industry-wide vitriolic reaction to her New York Times Magazine article. Out of respect for her and for her piece, however, I have chosen to remain on-topic in my response to it. But I have linked below several important items that will, perhaps, allow anyone who wishes to do so to draw their own conclusions regarding the, as Gawker’s own Ian Spiegelman termed it, “ensuing media cluster-fuck,” surrounding Ms. Gould’s article. Indeed.

21
May

The Allegory Of My Cave

The sky over the mountains and Downtown Honolulu was rolling with dark blue rain clouds as I left my building early this afternoon for my biweekly strut through the city attending to business: bank, Marlboro and Américano acquisitions, smoking and catching up with friends via mobile in a public park, Liquorette Mart, lunch, etc. I looked up, lit a cigarette, smiled skyward as I felt the first small drops of rain pelt my face, and slid my Samsung open as I felt it vibrate in the palm of my left hand.

It was The Painter, calling for one of our daily 85 conversations. I listened attentively as he outlined briefly the projects he had completed throughout the morning and those still slated for completion throughout the afternoon, then launched into a slightly manic, definitely caffeine-induced description of my day. This description included little more than a summary of the writing I had accomplished and on-line dalliances in which I had engaged, but one would not have guessed that from my overly-animated, even gregarious, interpretation of them into my phone to my friend. The description concluded with an exegesis of my current and intended movements throughout Downtown. My mind hesitated for only a millisecond at the phrase Liquorette Mart, before entirely casting it aside, before the phrase could exit my mouth. I failed to even realize this until The Painter inquired archly, “What? No pit-stop at Longs Drugs?”

My brow furrowed in genuine confusion, and I smiled as I replied, “Ummmmm, no. I mean, I need product for my hair but not for another few days.” And it was then that it hit me: I had been completely sober for a week. And the ingrained daily habit of stopping at the Liquorette Mart to procure alcohol had flitted into and out of my mind so briefly that I had not even noticed it until The Painter had directed my attention to it. “Huh!” I exclaimed, and he chuckled deeply. “Well, that puts me in an even better mood!” I laughed into the phone, pulling open the door of my favorite Bishop Street Starbucks and entering with a flourish.

A few minutes later saw me reclining in a public square across the street: gazing, smiling, up into the dark blue sky, inhaling deeply from my cigarette, sipping my coffee, and munching on a blueberry scone. I was mentally reviewing the thoughts and observations I had just voiced in a conversation with my little sister, during which I relayed to her the revelation I had experienced in my discussion with The Painter. Of course, I had been aware of the approaching seven-day anniversary of my sobriety. However, I had been unprepared for how happy and how positive I would feel about it when it arrived, and how little, aside from the fleeting thought of the habitual Liquorette Mart visit, it would truly cross my mind. I had also been unprepared for all of the things that did cross my mind throughout the past seven days.

The seeming return of all of that secure confidence that I used to possess. And here I refer not to that false confidence that alcohol lends you, but rather to that genuine confidence that resides (or, should reside) inside of you. I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to stride purposefully through the daily responsibilities of my life and attend to each with that particularly genuine sense of sober, unflinching confidence. The seeming return of my old relentless attention to detail and to the completion of tasks. Every single task that I set myself or that came across my path was attended to with my old, cold precision, and I have not done that for a very, very long time, without reaching for a bottle to try to obtain it. Finally, the seeming return of my ability to make swift, calculated, and rational (well, as rational as *I* can be, even sober) decisions. The decision to become sober, finally and for good, was only the first of many decisions that I made this week. And I feel good, and positive, and happy, about every single one of them. Because each of them was made with a clear head, with focused thinking, and with the knowledge that, like my sobriety, I was choosing them for me. None of them will be achieved in a day, but they are decisions that have been made and will now, thanks to my sobriety, actually be carried out, seen through, achieved. And that, to me, is far more exciting, right now, today, than any properly-made Cosmopolitan, Martini, or Manhattan with three cherries that you could possibly offer me.

Because it means that I have finally, finally, gotten a little bit of that old Atherton Bartelby strength back.

And I did it all on my own.

Because I wanted it.

For me.

And no one else.

As I strutted, with my old confidence, back up Bishop Street, toward home and the dark blue clouds gathering, I couldn’t help but remember an old philosophy seminar at college, and a lecture on Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave“: of the prisoners trapped in a cave since childhood, their only understanding of reality and truth the shadows dancing on the cave wall before them, only to emerge into the presence and absolute truth of the sun, of which the shadows on the cave wall were only approximations, facsimiles, phantoms; of one emerging, after so many years of seeing life through a haze, and finally seeing it, and everything in it, for what it really, actually is.

And as I stood waiting patiently and carefully for a light to change before crossing a street, I saw the sun peek through a small opening that several clouds had made for it.

And I smiled.

I did not intend to publish this in my blog; I merely wanted to record my thoughts on this seven-day anniversary. But something occurred during the recording of the thoughts that made me want to publish it on-line. I promise this will not become a space for daily affirmations of my sobriety.

I also do not mean to romanticize this experience, nor to imply that I do not expect, at some point, difficult days during which I will not feel this happy or positive about my sobriety. (Perhaps I am posting this as a future reference for me to look back on when those days do come around.) I am painfully aware that it is a journey. That it is a daily choice to make to “eat my fear.” And that it is necessary to constantly remind myself of the right, correct decision that I made for myself when I chose to finally emerge from my cave and into the light.

Because right now, today, I feel alive.

In a way I have not felt in a very, very long time.

20
May

Cultural Cinematic Surveillance

Early this morning, as I was indulging in my usual practice of dishing the goss with my little sister via transpacific mobile and enjoying way too many cups of hot coffee over my Google Reader, I came across a piece on Gawker that caused me to pause. Entitled “Regional DVD Rentals Reveal Citizenry’s Collective Psyche,” it built on a piece in Joshua Stein’s blog that analyzed the top five DVDs rented in specific neighborhoods via Netflix’s “Local Favorites for …” feature. While both pieces were humorous in their own right, I liked the idea enough to mimic it for myself, but (hopefully) with a slight spin of giving the casual “Curious Affairs” reader more of a glimpse into the place I currently call “home” and … well, me. Ready? OK!

Local Favorites For 96813 (Or, Downtown Honolulu, Hawaii):

Arang (Korean, 2006): “Taking its name from a Korean folktale, this spooky thriller follows detectives So-young (Yun-ah Song) and Hyun-ki (Dong-Wook Lee) as they investigate a series of bizarre murders. Just released from suspension, So-young returns to find she’s been handed a rookie partner and a puzzling case centered on a decade-old murder. Directed by Sang-hoon Ahn, this disturbing whodunit puts a unique spin on the serial killer genre.” Assessment: While I will admit that during my year spent living in Brooklyn I did become hooked on a Korean soap opera (it was really good!), I have never truly explored Korean film, so I really have no basis to make an assessment here. The plot summary sounds interesting, though, and I do love the serial killer genre. Would I rent it? Yes. But it certainly would not be a first (or even tenth) choice.

Ping Pong (Japanese, 2002): “Starring Yosuke Kubozuka (’Go,’ ‘Laundry’) & Naoto Takenaka (’Shall We Dance’). Two high school students, complete opposites, compete in an extreme sport version of ping pong. The eye-popping special effects have been compared to ‘The Matrix’.” Assessment: Now I genuinely enjoy most Japanese films, as a rule. But, um …” extreme sport version of ping pong”? Isn’t that like terming a film’s storyline revolving around “the deadliest game of badminton ever played!”? But, hey, it does boast the “eye-popping special effects that have been compared to The Matrix,” so it must be good, right?! Would I rent it? Um. No.

Molokai: The Story of Father Damien (American, 2000): “In this true story, 19th century priest Father Damien (David Wenham) risks everything to help people no one else would touch. When he sees the primitive conditions under which the island’s lepers are forced to live, the shocked Damien goes on a personal crusade to improve their physical and spiritual lives. The star-studded supporting cast includes Sam Neill, Peter O’Toole, Leo McKern, Kris Kristofferson and Derek Jacobi.” Assessment: All right, I get this one. My neighborhood is roughly equally young, trendy professionals and older, more sedate locals with perhaps more of a history bent than most. The cast is questionable, in my opinion, but really, how many aging actors these days would even consider playing the part of a leper keeper? Plus, the story is locally historic. Would I rent it? Of course.

North Shore (American, 1987): “Rick Kane is an 18-year-old surfing champion from Arizona who’s spending his summer in Hawaii — and hoping to fulfill his ultimate dream of riding the perilous waves of Hawaii’s legendary North Shore. Gregory Harrison plays his mentor, Chandler, a 1960s “soul surfer” who abhors the ’80s “shredders” — hot-doggers who ski the sea for fame and money. North Shore was filmed on location in Hawaii and features several real-life surfing champions.” Assessment: What. OK first of all, if you want “perilous waves,” come and try to surf the North Shore in winter, man, not summer. What are you, a wimp? And I mean Gregory Harrison is bad enough but what the summary does not divulge is that the “film” also “stars” Nia Peeples. Nia. Peeples. Wasn’t she the one who played a character on the television series version of “Fame” in the ’80s? Did she do anything else besides, apparently, this “film”? Clearly this film’s title is the only reason why it is in the top five rentals. No other. Would I rent it? Absolutely not.

Shanghai Kiss (American, 2007): “When a struggling Hollywood actor (Ken Leung) learns that the grandmother he never knew has died, leaving him a house in a country he’s never visited, he’s forced to reexamine his Chinese heritage and reevaluate his romantic entanglements. The best thing he has going back home is a questionable relationship with a 16-year-old genius (Hayden Panettiere). But that’s before he goes to China and meets the woman who could be his soul mate (Kelly Hu).” Assessment: I don’t know. I’m going to have to approach this one on an embarrassingly shallow basis. First of all, I think Ken Leung is sexy and have a bit of a crush on him. Secondly, Kelly Hu is a local girl, and probably one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. Thirdly, the storyline sounds, at best, contrived. But what I really cannot get past is the image of this DVD being in the number five slot in my neighborhood merely because it is constantly being rented by frustrated, lonely, male Scandinavian Hawaii Pacific University students living four to a condo, who are really just masturbating to poor, innocent Hayden Panettiere. Would I rent it? Sure!

So there’s my neighborhood, in a Netflix nutshell. As I suspected, none of them really “hit” me; I am neither inclined nor disinclined passionately to rent any of them; and none of these titles would be ones I would constantly be renting, and watching, and leaving out on top of the television / DVD player, only to be put right back in after a brief break for another DVD.

So I thought about what my “top five rentals” would be, i.e., those titles I would consistently be renting often enough to put them in the top five rental positions, and this is what I came up with.

Local Favorites For Chez A.B. (Or, Chez Bartelby):

All About Eve (American, 1950): “Joseph L. Mankiewicz’s trenchant script anchors this story about New York City theater life. Bette Davis plays an aging Broadway diva who employs a starstruck fan (Anne Baxter) as her assistant, only to learn the woman is a conniving upstart with few scruples. All About Eve won Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director (Mankiewicz), Best Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor (George Sanders).” Assessment: While this is not the most uplifting of films, the script and the acting are so breathtaking that I cannot help but have this one within constant reach of my DVD player. Davis delivers some of the best lines and monologues of her career in this film, and I can (and do) recite every single one of them with her, and even the most poignant of them make me smile with the strength and wit with which she imbibes them.

Dangerous Liaisons (American, 1988): “In this Academy Award-winning adaptation of the acclaimed stage play and novel, 18th century French aristocrats Marquise de Merteuil (Glenn Close) and Vicomte de Valmont (John Malkovich) enjoy lives of privilege and boredom. To entertain themselves, the cynical ex-lovers make a bet focusing on the virginal Cécile de Volanges (Uma Thurman) and the virtuous Madame de Tourvel (Michelle Pfeiffer). Swoosie Kurtz and Keanu Reeves also appear.” Assessment: Again, not the most uplifting of films, but still one that never fails to make me smile deviously at the plots and games, the script and language, and the cunning and mischievousness with which Close and Malkovich embrace their roles as Merteuil and Valmont.

The Sweetest Thing (American, 2002) [Unrated Version]: “Turnabout is fair play … especially when the ‘fairer sex’ wears the pants. Club-hopping hottie Christina (Cameron Diaz) learns she must temper her voracious wooing approach when she sets her sights on baffled quarry Peter (Thomas Jane) and tracks him to his brother’s wedding. Christina Applegate and Selma Blair co-star.” Assessment: This is so out of character for me and the films I usually watch / enjoy, but since the first time I saw it, it has become one of my “good time stand-bys.” I like to put it on when I’m doing dishes, housework, etc., so that I can dance and sing “The Penis Song” with the three actresses when that scene finally arrives. It makes me feel good, it makes me laugh, and it makes me feel good about friendship and relationships in almost a more realistic way than did “Sex and the City,” I think.

The House Of Yes (American, 1997): “In this black comedy, twins Jackie O. (Parker Posey) and Marty (Josh Hamilton), whose father disappeared the night JFK was shot, have an unusually intimate relationship for siblings. When Marty comes home one Thanksgiving with a fiancée (Tori Spelling), the mentally unbalanced Jackie O. — who thinks she’s Jackie Kennedy — suddenly flips into a jealous rage. All her mother can do is hide the kitchen knives and hope for the best.” Assessment: I love this film on so many different levels (script, Parker Posey, casting, Parker Posey, Geneviève Bujold, Parker Posey, etc.), but mostly because it reminds me a lot of how insane my own family life could sometimes seem. (Except, I never had incestuous relations with my brother, twin or otherwise, nor did I ever shoot him, to my knowledge.) I will never be able to get enough of seeing Posey in Jackie’s pink Chanel suit and pillbox hat. (Plus, you really cannot beat the stellar scene in which Jackie O. eviscerates poor Tori Spelling’s character over glasses of Liebfraumilch. It’s really rather artfully done.)

And, (of course!):

Charmed (American, 1998 ) [Season One, Disc One]: “Witches can’t run away from their legacy, at least not the Halliwell sisters — Prue (Shannen Doherty), Piper (Holly Marie Combs) and Phoebe (Alyssa Milano) — who, when they finally allow themselves to embrace the powers with which they’ve been gifted, discover they can be agents for good, not evil. Watch as they take command of their unusual charms in this first season of the runaway hit created by Constance Burge.” Assessment: Anyone who knows me really well and who just read that just laughed a huge belly laugh, I can assure you. I know of few others but me who can project the usual aura of fascination with and knowledge of films of the French New Wave, Italian Neorealism, and Weimar Germany movements, yet still have the balls to admit that Aaron Spelling’s “Charmed” is among the DVDs on his most-played shelf. But it is. It makes me happy. I even named my last cat after a main character.

So that’s it. What does it prove? Aside from the fact that I have way too much time on my hands in order to be able to put together this little cinematic collage of text and images? That I love being an exhibitionist and discussing my random and eclectic and potentially sad taste in DVDs? That I clearly have no business living in this neighborhood, this city, or perhaps even this state? Maybe a little of all three?

At any rate, I’m curious: what about you? What are the top five Netflix rentals in your area? And what are yours? Post them in comments; I am genuinely curious.

18
May

Is There Ever A Happily Ever After?

So! Who all is planning on seeing the “Sex and the City” movie when it opens in your area?!

I thought that might be an appropriate lead sentence for this piece. After all, as the various regional release dates for the film have rapidly approached, voices from the internet and even from my close circle of friends and acquaintances have grown either increasingly adamant that they are not seeing the film (even if they had been, as had I, ardent fans of the actual series), or increasingly blissful that they would soon finally be able to see all of the characters get what (and who) they wanted.

Mine, of course, was one of the former voices.

“No,” I said flatly to my friend and ex-roommate Cordelia several weeks ago, when she inquired if I was attending the opening night screening of the film when it arrived in Honolulu. “I am not seeing that movie.”

“But, Atherton!” she whined plaintively. “Don’t you remember all of those great evenings at La Casa de Lago Salado you and I spent drinking vodka and inhaling Ben & Jerry’s pints while watching the seasons on your DVDs?”

She sounded so wounded that I softened my tone, “Of course I remember those great evenings, Cordelia, and yes, they were fun. But we’re different people now. And you know those characters are going to be different people now. It won’t be the same. Besides, I’ve already explained my reasons for not wanting to see that film.”

My reasons were actually quite simple and, I think, logical. How could you take a concept, a concept that centered around the lives, experiences, and traumas of four single women in New York, and turn it into a feature-length film in which those same four major characters are no longer single? Have you not just immediately and rather effectively alienated the entire demographic you meant to attract with the original concept? To me, that seems like more of a proverbial slap in the face to all of the loyal fans of the series than was the final episode of the series. (And that is saying something, since it is certainly no secret to anyone how I felt regarding the appalling final episode.)

So it would have been clear to anyone that, even had Cordelia flown down from Denver to Honolulu for the film’s premier, and offered to pay for an entire weekend of spa luxury at The W Honolulu for both of us, I would have obstinately not escorted her to the premier. Consequently, I made it a point not to search out information on the film and to pointedly ignore any information I did come across; I wanted no information concerning additional casting decisions, soundtrack, subplots, script, nothing. And I was pretty good at it, too.

Until last evening.

“So,” my friend The Painter said to me after we had greeted each other via nightly transpacific mobile conversation, “when are you going to see the ‘Sex and the City’ film?”

It was late on a Saturday evening, and I had stepped out for a fresh cup of coffee, a Marlboro, and a quick break from the emotional mood I was dangerously close to falling into, and had decided to call him for a long distance stroll through the balmy air of Downtown.

I rolled my eyes and sighed deeply so that he could hear that I was doing it and hissed slowly, “I…am…not…seeing…thatfilm!” I nearly spat.

“Ooooohkay!” he said, chuckling. “So that’s that! So what are you up to this evening? Writing? What are you working on?”

I sighed again. The truth was, as I told him, that I was working on two pieces regarding what is going on in my life right now, one focused on the professional, and the other on the personal. Additionally, that working on both of them right now was depressing me so much that I felt like, well…like…like falling out of an open window!

I stopped suddenly and sat down on a nearby bus stop bench to light a cigarette for the personal epiphany, wishing I had a notebook, my laptop, a napkin, anything with me with which to write.

“What’s wrong, Babe?” The Painter asked, obviously alarmed and confused.

“Falling out of an open window!” I repeated, exhaling excitedly. “I’m so bored I could die! Lexi Featherston! This professional piece that I’m writing is making me feel like Lexi Featherston! That’s why it’s depressing me! And my personal piece…oh God…” I trailed off as I remembered the scene from that episode in greater detail. “And my personal piece is making me feel like Carrie in that exact same scene.”

He laughed at the way my newly sober brain was stringing together all of these seemingly random thoughts, probably sensible to no one but myself.

“And you’re not going to see the ‘Sex and the City’ movie,” he sniffed mockingly.

“What do you mean?” I asked irritably, lighting another cigarette.

“Atherton, do you remember how you were after Tristan broke up with you?”

“Of course I remember. But what does that have to do with anything that is happening now or that we were just talking about?”

“That was probably the single most traumatic experience of your life up to that point,” he explained, and I haltingly agreed. “And you responded to that immense trauma by immersing yourself in ‘Sex and the City,’ writing like Carrie, being neurotically introspective like Carrie, asking questions of yourself like Carrie.”

Again, I agreed haltingly.

“So I think that maybe the film’s release comes at a great time for you,” he concluded. “I think that it might not be a bad idea to do that again. There was clearly something about doing so that brought you through that last period of trauma. Why not revisit it now, when you’re at this immense crossroads in your life? Maybe it would give you that weird strength it gave you back then.”

I chewed on my bottom lip. Killed my cigarette on the sidewalk beneath the heel of one shoe.

“You’re right,” I said abruptly. “Listen I’m going into my building so I’ll call you in a few minutes.”

When I reached my desk I fired up my laptop. Stared at it almost reproachfully. Launched Firefox and ran a Google search for “Sex and the City Movie.” Watched the trailer. And hesitantly agreed with The Painter that it might not, in fact, be a bad thing if I saw it, right now, in my life. I saw my blog still open in another tab, smiled at it ruefully, and lit a cigarette before searching its archives for the Tristan months. I laughed out loud to myself when I came across the first of countless examples of exactly what The Painter was talking about.

So. Yes. This little cynical, neurotic, depressed, traumatized, wanna-be island gay male version of Carrie Bradshaw has decided to see the “Sex and the City” movie.

I already know that there is no happily ever after.

But that does not mean that I do not also know that sometimes you need to revisit the safe and strong times, and habits (however odd), in your life in order to remind yourself that you have the strength to get through anything.

And to remind yourself that, sometimes, a happily ever…right now…is better than nothing at all.




Epigraph

The great actress and woman Lauren Bacall once noted, "Memory is a precious commodity, not to be tampered with, not to be rejected. We have to be glad of its existence, for it keeps alive those special people — the moments, the places, the feelings." I like to think of this blog as an exercise in perpetuating precisely those sentiments.

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aB Is Doing

Talking of rocket launchers, Ozon films, living wills, and Sodom and Gomorrah with my straight male BFF from Scary Larry is so totally love.

aB Is Going

Atherton Bartelby is at home in Honolulu and has planned trips to:
  • Kahului in August
  • New York in August
  • Paris in December

aB Is Listening

  • Calla Gracio - La Caina
  • 1973 - James Blunt
  • Fast As You Can - Fiona Apple
  • I Will Be Fine - David Vandervelde
  • Trio In E Flat Major - Schubert

aB Is Reading

Endnote

All original content is © copyright 2003—2008 Atherton Bartelby unless otherwise expressly cited. All Rights Reserved.

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