
“I very nearly celebrated the first evening of 2007 by opening my veins on the floor of a bathtub in a room at the Pagoda Hotel in Honolulu.”
It really is rather difficult to top a lead sentence like that one.
Because not only did it concisely and accurately encapsulate the first day of my 2007, it also, I realize now, in hindsight, set the tone for the majority of the rest of my 2007. I mean, not in the sense of feeling that I wanted to kill myself every day (that feeling only came and went rather intensely yet fleetingly on that first day, and never returned), but in the sense of, “Wow. This must be the lowest point of my year. Things have got to get better. Right? Right?!”
*cicadas*
I changed residences, twice, returning to old Honolulu neighborhoods I had shared for some time with past lovers, sharing them this time around not with lovers, but with roommates. I was finally fired from a long-term professional position that I was most likely subconsciously trying to be fired from for quite some time, since I had honestly grown to hate it so vociferously. And, I allowed my best friend (who had stopped speaking to me for reasons known only to him two days before the beginning of the year, and whose excommunication played a not insignificant role in my decision to open my veins on the first evening of the new year) back into my life, on April Fool’s Day, a decision that was against my better judgment and flew in the face of all of the warnings against doing so that issued forth from my other, truer, friends, who all seemed to know without being told that he would disappear again, no matter what he said to the contrary. And, of course, he did.
However, 2007 was not all wrath and weeping.
Moving back to those two neighborhoods, on my own, revitalized my confidence and happiness, as even respective Liquorette Mart and cafe owners and cashiers remembered me from years and other lifetimes before. (Also, I do not think I need to reiterate yet again how fabulous my new roommate actually is, but I will do so anyway.) Being fired from my professional position lit the proverbial fire under my ass to finally find a position (without “settling”) that challenges me, inspires me, and makes me happy. And, the best friend thing? I suppose all that I can take away with me from that is the knowledge that I was secure enough with myself to welcome him back, for however long he wanted, and, finally, to hold no grudges for wrongs (real or imagined) done to me. If I was successful at little else throughout 2007, I can tell myself that I was definitely successful at being a friend.
And I have this new blog, quietly slouching toward its first birthday. And I have all of the new friends I have met throughout the year, both in real life and here, online. And I have all of the amazingly new experiences helping others that I was fortunate enough to have this year. And, really? As long as I have a cherished space in which to reflect, ruminate, and rage, the best friends that a life can offer, and a new resolve to do things for others before oneself? I really do not need that much else.
So I do not suppose 2007 sucked that much after all. Because for each bad thing that I experienced, for each moment that destroyed a bit of my soul, and for each experience that made me die a little…I grew a little, inside, as well…and became stronger.
And really, what more can one demand of a year than that?
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