Curious Affairs Of Atherton Bartelby

After reviewing, late yesterday afternoon, my blog articles and Twitter updates of the last week, I decided, while on the bus on my way to work today, that I needed to bring it up a bit, to make some sort of positive contribution to the general universe.

So I made a pact with myself that I would tell one random person on my ride to work on the bus each morning that s/he looked fabulous (and if you know me in real life, you know how I make that word sound in actual speech versus oblique web text).

So I did.

As she was disembarking the bus, I told a woman with a fabulous brunette pixie hairstyle, wearing a shimmering red blouse and smart black pinstriped pants, and amazingly large Chanel sunglasses, that she looked…fabulous.

She looked at me, shocked, as a tear rolled down one cheek, and said, “You have no idea how much that means to me today. I have had the worst week imaginable. Thank you so much.” And then she left.

It’s become a new tradition of mine.

I will be doing it every day forward.

Just to bring it up a bit.

For me. And for everyone else.

Oh, HAI! My Thursday totally blows! How is yours?!

Anyway, I am not focusing on my shitty Shakespearean-In-Magnitude Corporate Drama Thursday. I am instead making a vow to myself to focus on the fabulous future, i.e., Monday. Because this is when I move into my fabulous new condo with my fabulous new roommate and her Basenji pup.

The unit is two stories (I can’t even remember the last house I lived in that had stairs, so this makes me exceedingly excited!), has an awesome view of the infamously polluted Ala Wai and Waikiki, will allow one more dog (to allow me to finally obtain that fabulously feisty, heretofore fictional bitch, Le Vicomte), and is quite literally a stone’s throw away from both my old haunt, 2333, and my dear friend Bartholomew’s current cottage.

Oh!

Hello!

And a pool!

Welcome back to swimming every morning, Mr. Atherton Bartelby! (I’ll have my previous swimmer’s build back in no time, I promise!)

So that is why this shitty Thursday that I am having can suck it!

(Also, once again I have demonstrated my ability to completely over-utilize the word “fabulous,” the oblique text tags, and run-on sentences. I totally win!)

P.S. On another happy note, The Matthew Shepard Act is approved today by Senate in a vote of 60 to 39. Turns out it’s a far happier day than I thought it was…

I am feeling kind of like this in the office today.

Here’s hoping things will clear up before pau hana.

Not surprisingly, I have been thinking quite a lot about my mother throughout the past week, and the life lessons she taught (or, sometimes, tried, unsuccessfully, obviously) to teach me.

I thought I should list the most important ones here.

As (hopefully needful) reminders.

1. Before you leave your house, always, always, always make sure that you are impeccably dressed and coiffed. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being anything less than blue blood.

2. Additionally, always, always, always walk with your shoulders back, your chin held high, and your face stretched into just the slightest smile. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being nothing less than confident, and gracious.
3. If you must order a cocktail, never order anything other than a traditional Martini or Manhattan. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being trendy, and therefore suspect you to quickly let go of one trend for another.
4. Also, if you must smoke, always ask the nearest man to light your cigarette for you, and always reach up to hold his hand as he lights it for you. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being rude…or…unromantic.
5. Always, always, always send thank-you notes. For everything. On your own personal stationery. Within a day’s time. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being ungracious.
6. Say “please” and “thank you,” all the time. And do it with a slight smile. Even if you are saying it to someone you loathe. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being impolite.
7. Read. A lot. And write. Both build your vocabulary. And both will impress other people. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being inarticulate.
8. Study art. And know it well. This will also impress other people. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for being aesthetically challenged.
9. Listen to your Father. I may loathe him but he demands intelligence, loyalty, and respect, and he will teach you these things. That way, no one will be able to criticize you of being unworthy in any way.
10. Do not damage other people’s hearts. And do not ever allow anyone to damage yours. That way, no one will be able to criticize you for not finding The One who you wanted, and who would cherish you as much as you cherished him.

I learned most of these lessons.

Certainly not all.

But Mother was definitely a good teacher.

I just found out that one of my newest favorite journalists, John Bowe, author of Nobodies : Modern American Slave Labor and the Dark Side of the New Global Economy, was interviewed on The Daily Show recently.

Check out the highly entertaining interview below.

(Although, I do find it also highly ironic that the video clip is currently prefaced by an ad promo for Starbucks Coffee. I may be a hardcore Starbucks Whore, but I still find it eye-rollingly humorous that Comedy Central chose to preface this particular video clip regarding slave labor in America with an advertisement for a company that is notorious for utilizing slave labor in Third World countries. The problem of separating advertising from newsroom, I suppose.)