Edie: I have a new blog. Spank me.
Atherton: That’s OK I just went out for lunch with Bartholomew. Spank me.
Edie: WHAT?!
Edie: And you didn’t tell me?!
Edie: OMG WTF BBQ!!
Atherton: No it happened too quickly!
Atherton: And then he was all, “OK, we got Jamba Juice, so…wanna walk aimlessly around Chinatown and do something tonight?”
Atherton: ???
Atherton: OMG I love your first blog entry!
Edie: Don’t change the subject!
Atherton: LMFAO! OK sorry!
Edie: Did you talk about the issue at hand?
Atherton: Of course not. I mean it’s really no one’s issue but mine. As far as he knows we’re going on as usual and just not talking about Roderick. I’m the one who’s all emotional and depressed about it.
Edie: Hmm.
Edie: I’m wondering whether that’s the right thing or not.
Atherton: I know. But I don’t feel like I have a right to be all, “You didn’t call me and we didn’t hang out yesterday WTFBBQ?!”
Atherton: Hello?! Edie?!
Edie: OK. I have had a coffee and thought. And I have decided that you are right but wrong.
Edie: You don’t have a right to demand why he didn’t call. You do have a right and a responsibility to yourself to say you think this Roderick thing is shoddy and it makes you feel like shit.
Edie: You must admit that to yourself.
Edie: Blog about it!
Edie: It will make you feel better since you can’t tell Bartholomew right now.
Atherton: You are a genius. And absolutely right.
+ + +
Dear Bartholomew,
You suck.
I know, I know, I know: I said I could deal with The Roderick Situation and eventually learn to be, at the very least, all right (if not entirely pleased), with it (even though I still think you are making a gargantuan mistake by attempting to be with someone who just broke up with his partner as The Rebound Guy). But it’s been less than a week since it began and already I feel as if I have been relegated to nothing more than a lunch hour amusement. I also suspect that the amount of time that you are able to devote to me and to our friendship will continue to dwindle exponentially as whatever you have with Roderick grows.
And I think that sucks.
And I know that sounds shallow and petty and irrational, but that is just the way I feel.
Of course, I have not always been the best about maintaining the same level of friendships with my own best friends whenever I have embarked on new relationships in the past. But at least I tried. And I think I did a pretty good job, each time, of maintaining those friendships as the relationship in question blossomed, particularly with those friends whom I called twenty times a day, had lunch with every day, and hung out with for five hours every evening.
(And I will not even mention the sharing of finances. That makes it sound like you and I are married. And that is obviously so not the case.)
I do not hate you. In fact, I still love you. And because I do, I will have to learn to live with, and to accept, The Roderick Situation. But I really hope that you do not allow our friendship to continue to change substantially along the way.
And.
You still suck.
Love (facetiously),
Atherton Bartelby
Filed under: Relationships, Writing , a-list, alucina, being a gay, emotional landscapes, epic rage, ghost town, omgwtfbbq, questions, repartee
Saying stuff like “I told you so” is so needless, I mean, when we make mistakes, we usually are very well aware of the initial objections. We may never admit it, but we waged them, too, just like everyone else. Plus, it’s mean and tacky, so I won’t say it.
Instead I will deliver good news! CONGRATULATIONS! You have won a contest! That’s right! Your dear friend entered you into a contest and after a thorough survey of this, your latest entry, the OMGWTFEMOHARDXCORE Association has nominated you the undisputed winner of Morrissey Tiniest Violin Award!
On a more serious note, I think that despite the pitfalls of this new venture with B., you are learning a lot about being true to yourself. Last time you were together, there was a lot of lying to yourself and hiding from B. I think you are beginning to realize that if you need to keep your feelings to yourself to make it work, it will NEVER work. Because it won’t.
The biggest reason why we have spent so much of our lives running is because we so rarely been able to be honest about what we feel and who we are with a lover. You can only keep up the charade so long before you start cannibalizing yourself from the inside.
This odyssey is testament to admitting it’s not fine, not just to us, but to the world. And that’s big. Maybe one day, we can look the people we love in the face and say, “hey, you know what? I don’t like it like this. I love you. But if you can’t give me what I need, I am going to have to go.”
*falls out of Herman Miller Aeron chair laughing hysterically at Morrissey Tiniest Violin Award*
*catches breath*
You’re completely right, of course, as usual. And I am pretty proud of myself for being honest this time around, as opposed to last time, with him and with myself. There is no way back in, say, October, I would have said what I said to him this past Monday morning. No, it was not pretty, but at least I was being brutally honest with him and with my usually pansy-ass self.
It’s hard. And it’s painful. But we have to do it.
(Even if it is only thrown up on some blog with a bunch of pseudonyms.)
*wink*
(Or stashed in a Word document because we are too slow to post our adventures, [wink!])
I know, right?! We could both currently be sharing a palatial penthouse in Hong Kong right now for all anybody knows! LMFAO!
Dude, I could totally do HK right now!
Dude, hello! Are we not liveblogging from The Kee Club like right now?!
Harmful elements in the air, cymbals clashing everywhere. Reaps the fields of rice and reeds while the population feeds, Junk floats on polluted water–an old custom to sell your daughter, would you like number 23? Leave your yens on the counter please. Hong kong garden! [Giggles at how wrong that whole song is.
I’m pretty surprised at her for doing that song that is horrible and I’ve never heard until now. (Hello! Yen?! In Hong Kong?! Um. No.) She is so Anglo that she is FIRED. (Worse than us being Franco. LMFAO!)