So there’s this big old homophobic asshole here in Hawai`i named Mike Gabbard. A quick Google search on that name will bring up a host of different news articles and Letters to Editors utilizing the words “hatemonger,” “homophobe,” and “asshat.” (Oh, wait, scratch that last one, as it will take awhile for Google to cache this public entry.) It will also bring up the phrase, “For Congress,” since he was just defeated by incumbent Ed Case in his run for a seat in Congress representing the Second District of our State.
The man is one amazing creature; my first impression of him upon relocating to Hawai`i back in 1998 was one of brilliant hatred, as both he and his wife (Carol, now a member of the State’s Board of Education) campaigned vociferously against the State’s ballot initiative to legalize same-sex unions. He is the proverbial master of pushing an agenda of hatred, prejudice, and bigotry…thinly veiled behind politics.
During the last major election, I had the pleasure of informing some dumb hippie chick canvasing the downtown area for signatures to put Carol Gabbard on the ballot for the BOE, “I am a faggot, and I do not endorse hatred, so there is no way that woman is getting my signature. Buh-bye!”
This morning, on my lovely walk to work, I had the distinct pleasure of driving the message home…personally. For, who should I see this morning, walking directly toward me on the sidewalk, but none other than the happy couple themselves, holding matching Jamba Juices and wearing matching leis. My eyes narrowed as we neared each other, and then widened in shock as they both began to smile at me! Not slowing down, and not missing a beat, I waited until I was close enough for them to hear me before I queried, “Why the fuck are you two smiling at me?! I am a FAGGOT!”
And then I flipped them the bird and said, “Have a neat day,” as I kept strutting, with a little more jaunt in my step than usual, down the street.
Classy? Of course not.
Satisfying? Fuck yes!
Filed under: Editorials, Politics , being a gay, epic rage, hawaii, home, honolulu, humor, oahu, omgwtfbbq
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